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On Hearing of My Mother Death Six Years After It Happened A Daughter Memoir of Mental Illness Lori L Schafer Books

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On Hearing of My Mother Death Six Years After It Happened A Daughter Memoir of Mental Illness Lori L Schafer Books

I read the author’s short teaser for this book probably a month ago and was very excited to hear the rest of her story. My life has been touched by people with similar mental health issues and so I have a personal interest in reading about others who have been through similar situations and how they coped. I think this writer has an excellent ‘voice’ and she certainly has a wealth of information to draw from and I want to be supportive, so please understand that this review contains CONSTRUCTIVE criticism and isn’t meant to deter people from reading or the author from writing.

Firstly, this book is pretty short. I read the whole thing, cover to cover, while in the bath – so maybe an hour? The length wasn’t really a problem, although I was disappointed that more of the book wasn’t based on new material. The opening chapter is the same as what was used for the preview, which is understandable, but there are many other parts of the book that are pulled from existing writing, including fiction. I think that there is value in showing the reader that these incidences in your life have made such a mark that you’ve been able to write copious amounts of fiction based on them. But I felt like it would have been better to tell the audience about those (or include them in an appendix), rather than to include them in the book. This is meant to be a memoir so I would have preferred that the author stay “in the moment” and not step away into fiction. Also, it caused some confusion later – there were numerous places where the narrative broke into fiction and then back in to reality but there was never a designation of which was which. In my opinion, that made everything a little jumbled. I believe that the author used her fiction writing so that she didn’t have to re-write the actual incident which may not have been as “interesting” as the fictional version (i.e., she says that the incident of hiding out in the step-grandmother’s house was not at Thanksgiving but just a normal day). I think on this point, the author is wrong. It doesn’t have to be a holiday to make it interesting – the fact that your mother was hiding out in someone’s house in order to spy is interesting enough. Truth is stranger than fiction.

Also, I would have liked to hear more about day-to-day life at home with her mother. She jumps between big events (the opening chapter, running away, etc.) without covering the middle ground. There are enough bits and pieces (the recent divorce, the situation with the sister/nephew, etc.) that are dropped in to let the reader know that they’re missing out on a lot of stuff. Again, it feels like the author held back because these details are probably somewhat mundane but I have a feeling that they weren’t boring details – the fact that the author felt so hurt and angry that she left home and never looked back tells me that there was a LOT that happened in between. That’s what I’d be interested to hear.

The biggest portion of the book deals with the author’s homelessness, which was a result of her running away from her mother’s behavior. It clearly was the most impactful time in the author’s life and she has included some really great stories here. Although I was proud of this young girl figuring out how to survive on her own, my heart ached for her because she was unaware of all the services available to her – especially in the Bay Area, there are so many resources for runaways and homeless people of all types. But her inability to trust people is what kept her apart and what was, ultimately, the legacy that her mother left her. Unfortunately, it feels a bit like her inability to trust us as readers has kept her from being very open in her memoir.

I hope that someday she writes a more complete story. I would be very interested in reading all of the “in between” scenes and hearing about her final year at home. Not as a “looky-loo” but as someone who has experienced something similar, it’s always a comfort to know that you’re not alone. That someone else has experienced the “spies in the attic” delusions but also the general embarrassment of being in public (in high school!) with someone who is clearly unstable.


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On Hearing of My Mother Death Six Years After It Happened A Daughter Memoir of Mental Illness Lori L Schafer Books Reviews

Sad but so true with mental illness in families. Glad that she survived and used her book to tell the story to bring herself what peace she could find and maybe help someone else struggling with a family member's illness. Sadly in even our family some of us as we got older have distanced ourselves from our mother for our own survival. You can only do so much and in the end you have to make tough choices. I wish her serenity and peace now.
A story about a young girl who grows into a woman who lives (I should say survives) with a schizophrenic mother. I am so pleased that she tells her life's story so others that are in the same situation can be aware of what it might be like and not have to wonder what the _______ they did to deserve such a life.

The chapter I enjoyed the most was ON WRITING MY MEMOIR.

Praise to you, Lori Schafer.
To have a normal life and then you need to leave for survival is my life too. My mom was never diagnosed with mental illness but reading this book now makes me think there could be something behind my mom's behavior. There is also a write up in the back for people who suffer from fibromyalgia. Good read on that too
This book is a memoir of a young girl who's mother began to lose her mind while she was a teenager. It is written so well it is hard to put down. The title alone pulled me in immediately. Her experience with her mother and no one to help her was so bad you wonder how her mind survived. She is a remarkable young lady. This is the very best memoir I have read.
The author's life reads like a work of fiction ... but to those who experience it, it is all too real. We often think that living a life with mental illness is seemingly impossible, but what about the loved ones ... especially the children? This memoir serves to answer those questions with each unbelievably difficult snippet. Can the child of a schizophrenic mother escape with her sanity intact? Read and see.
This book is a heartbreaking, inspirational insight to the very real problem of untreated mental illness. Lori Schafer gives the reader an intimate look into the life she was forced to live and the mother who was forced to "leave" due to psychosis. You can see the pain, confusion, and embarrassment Lori had to endure. I can only imagine the suffering she went through--and the suffering her mother must have went through. And after everything--living through it, running from it, and overcoming it--to find out about her mother's death six years after the fact must have brought both a sense of sadness and relief. My heart hurt for both Lori and her mother as I read this. I would recommend this to anyone who would like to read an inspiring story of a woman's determination to overcome everything life threw at her.
This is an interesting and well written account of a teenage daughter’s experience living with a mother with a paranoid psychosis. However, there is much that’s left out of this short book. I had too many unanswered questions. Whatever happened to Lori’s sister and nephew? Why didn’t the school or her friend’s parents do anything? Why didn’t Lori have any contact at all with her mother once she left? Even years later from a distance. And why didn’t Lori herself try to help her mother once she became an adult? She acknowledges that this wasn’t the loving mother who raised her and something was very wrong. Maybe she was too traumatized. Lori saved herself, which was essential and admirable, and became homeless almost starving before she was admitted to the dorm at college. But there are no details after that and too few about it. What did she major in? How did this affect her later in life? In her relationships? Did she keep in touch with her friends, especially Jesse? Instead essays, an interview, redundant short stories based on events we already read about, and book club questions are included. The actual book is only 120 pages. Well written but too short and too many unanswered questions.
I read the author’s short teaser for this book probably a month ago and was very excited to hear the rest of her story. My life has been touched by people with similar mental health issues and so I have a personal interest in reading about others who have been through similar situations and how they coped. I think this writer has an excellent ‘voice’ and she certainly has a wealth of information to draw from and I want to be supportive, so please understand that this review contains CONSTRUCTIVE criticism and isn’t meant to deter people from reading or the author from writing.

Firstly, this book is pretty short. I read the whole thing, cover to cover, while in the bath – so maybe an hour? The length wasn’t really a problem, although I was disappointed that more of the book wasn’t based on new material. The opening chapter is the same as what was used for the preview, which is understandable, but there are many other parts of the book that are pulled from existing writing, including fiction. I think that there is value in showing the reader that these incidences in your life have made such a mark that you’ve been able to write copious amounts of fiction based on them. But I felt like it would have been better to tell the audience about those (or include them in an appendix), rather than to include them in the book. This is meant to be a memoir so I would have preferred that the author stay “in the moment” and not step away into fiction. Also, it caused some confusion later – there were numerous places where the narrative broke into fiction and then back in to reality but there was never a designation of which was which. In my opinion, that made everything a little jumbled. I believe that the author used her fiction writing so that she didn’t have to re-write the actual incident which may not have been as “interesting” as the fictional version (i.e., she says that the incident of hiding out in the step-grandmother’s house was not at Thanksgiving but just a normal day). I think on this point, the author is wrong. It doesn’t have to be a holiday to make it interesting – the fact that your mother was hiding out in someone’s house in order to spy is interesting enough. Truth is stranger than fiction.

Also, I would have liked to hear more about day-to-day life at home with her mother. She jumps between big events (the opening chapter, running away, etc.) without covering the middle ground. There are enough bits and pieces (the recent divorce, the situation with the sister/nephew, etc.) that are dropped in to let the reader know that they’re missing out on a lot of stuff. Again, it feels like the author held back because these details are probably somewhat mundane but I have a feeling that they weren’t boring details – the fact that the author felt so hurt and angry that she left home and never looked back tells me that there was a LOT that happened in between. That’s what I’d be interested to hear.

The biggest portion of the book deals with the author’s homelessness, which was a result of her running away from her mother’s behavior. It clearly was the most impactful time in the author’s life and she has included some really great stories here. Although I was proud of this young girl figuring out how to survive on her own, my heart ached for her because she was unaware of all the services available to her – especially in the Bay Area, there are so many resources for runaways and homeless people of all types. But her inability to trust people is what kept her apart and what was, ultimately, the legacy that her mother left her. Unfortunately, it feels a bit like her inability to trust us as readers has kept her from being very open in her memoir.

I hope that someday she writes a more complete story. I would be very interested in reading all of the “in between” scenes and hearing about her final year at home. Not as a “looky-loo” but as someone who has experienced something similar, it’s always a comfort to know that you’re not alone. That someone else has experienced the “spies in the attic” delusions but also the general embarrassment of being in public (in high school!) with someone who is clearly unstable.